Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
