I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
