note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
