girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
