i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
