Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
