So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
