I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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