I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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