my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you remember whose house we're in?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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