my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Randomize
