As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
