Don't make out with my wife yet
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
