I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
