you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My ass is underappreciated
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize