tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
