You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
