that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
