Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize