I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
