I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
