I CAN MOONWALK!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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