Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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