She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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