i don't like sucking hair
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize