just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
