Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
