oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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