I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
