The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
