your parents love me but you hate me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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