I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Floor bacon is actually really good
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
