I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
