I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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