Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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