Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
