Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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