The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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