i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
