I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
