I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
