I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
