Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
