i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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