Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
