Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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