when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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