you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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