So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Someone signed my nipple.
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