You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
