it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize