WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
