dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
