FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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