Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
