does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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