Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize