The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
