Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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