If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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