Please don't use social media to get back at me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
