tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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