He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
