I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
